I went snowshoeing last Saturday. I haven't needed all that 'snow' gear in a long time; I mean a really long time - like a decade! Though not too heavy, I did fill up a 45 liter pack. Most the hikes I've made over the last ten years were fair-weather hikes, with a 20 liter pack for a few hours out. There was one exception in 2018, when I joined my brother at the end of the John Muir trail in Yosemite. He did the whole trail, 28 days, and I met him for the last four days and three nights. I carried a 55 liter pack which included all my gear; clothes, food, tent, bear can, and more. It weighed close to 55 pounds! That was much more weight than my day trips, and even this recent snowshoe outing. Still, because of all of the 'better to have it and not need it things', like a second pair of everything, my pack on Saturday felt a bit heavy to me.
Snowshoeing is hard work, especially if you're breaking a trail in fresh deep snow. My group took turns leading which is snowshoe etiquette. And when it was my turn, after only ten to fifteen steps, I was feeling it! My breathing was heavy, and my backpack felt heavier. Our 11,000 foot elevation was part of the reason, however I think another part was my mental state. Honestly, I didn't want to lead, to break the trail. Now, I'm a natural born leader, but in this case I knew it would be hard and didn't trust my stamina. I would go too slow, and not very far. No one said those things. In fact our group leader (this was a basic snowshoeing class with Colorado Mountain Club) stated clearly, "If you go ten steps and that's all, step aside and let the next person go. Everyone does what they can, and we all make it." No one was judging me... but me.
The weight that made my pack feel heavier wasn't literal, but it was my own self-judgement. Comparing myself to others and not wanting to appear 'weak', caused me to bear more weight. It sounds crazy, yet negative thoughts are a heavy load, literally. Negative self-talk can zap energy, cause heaviness, and, pun intended, snowball, grabbing other negative thoughts on the way! Whether comparing to others (such a common thing - I'll talk about this in another blog), wanting to appear stronger in some way,... basically, when not being genuine and okay with one's abilities, thoughts and emotions become a substantial burden.
So I gathered my thoughts, prayed, and went ahead my ten steps (probably not fifteen), and stepped aside. Single file the group passed and one by one broke trail as much as was possible. And do you know what? There were a couple others who went ten steps. Some when twenty or more! For me? Once I humbled myself knowing it was okay to do what I could, grabbed my negative thoughts and let them go, my burden lightened and the next breath was easier. I was even able to feel proud that I did what I could to help the team. The rest of the day was great.
When doubts bear down on you and take up space in your mind, notice it, remember who and whose you are, and do YOUR best. The results will be great.
Here on our virtual Climb, sometimes doing your best comes in the form of sharing your load. When you do this, you can feel lighter. Remember this:
A burden shared is divided. A joy shared is multiplied.
"Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest."
Matt 11:28 NLT
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